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Checklist of the Parasites of Fishes of Latvia

Not really about Latvian fishes

I am good host

Hello Americans, is Dr. Viktor* with a great pleasure in introducing you to the sights and sounds of Russia for Fall 2012!

*Dr. Viktor (Shevechenko) is senior propagandist at Russian Tourism Koncern (RTK), affiliated with the Foreign Misery Ministry.

If in mood for fun on beach, then why not journey to shores of Black Sea? For hundreds of years, comely Russian maidens and cherubik housewifes have settled on the Black Sea sandy beaches. Sun is especially healthful in Crimea and Sochi.

If in mood for sing and dance, then why not take Ukraine New Highroad to Tsvartkelo*, where the locals drink Fushpak pinecone ale and dance to Estrad popteknik!

*Tsvartkelo have new and old areas. New Tsvartkelo is 99% radium-free and cancer almost nonexistent. Please stay away from Old Tsvartkelo unless you are Armenian tourist.

If in mood to see Great Russian Bear legislate, then head to capital Moscow to see Duma and Russian politik. Russian Politicians may say strange things like American satellite controlling Belarusian brains, but pay no attention! They are happy to buy you a drink and discuss American and Jewish conspiracies all the night.

If in mood for «hanky-panky» then gentlemen are always welcome at Moscow Gentlemans Klub, 21 Yarovich Prospekt. Dr. Viktor recommends, especially Yana (one in chains)!

Moscow these days can be expensive. If you no like 5-star hotel, then may I recomment the Stupevich Edifice. Is clean and quiet and mobsters stay away from foreign guests, I think.

If thinking about hike to Ural Mounts then hire my friend Kaspar*, he drive big wheel car and take you for fun in mountains! Drive from Moscow is 80 days. Gas and tolls much extra. But he great singing voice, will regail you I promise.

*Kaspar will be 45-years-old man who looks 65; he has brown hair and speaks with Upak accent.

How about make “jump” to Asia? Russia is 60% Asia, yes? Many cities there just waiting for tourist valuables. I reccoment the city of Nikharkov, a small city you might not see on map, but I promise is full of the fun. You can sleep on goat, take ride on Icebat! At evening you may relax and drink vodka from mastodon skull.

For the truly adventur, go all the way to Pacific Ocean, where Vladivostok (Russia’s Sanfransisco) awaits you! Eh, is not like in olden days, but still have streets and roofs. Vladiks will tell you that life is better there than in 1998! Boats stolen by North Korean fishermen, but no matter. We swim to look at whales*. What? There is whales near Vladivostok? Yes!

*Whales may just be fish; depends on day

As leading tourist minister I don’t advice you return to Moscow by car. Too many bad men, and you are most lucky to arrive in Vladivostok anyway. I suggest you take train, but first you must walk to Belchingorsk village, 500km north of Vladi. There you may wait at train station for 3 days, maybe 4. Don’t worry, babushka there has some snacks, maybe toilet. After 5 days a train come to take you to village of Krimpoft, where prisoners await their release. Best advise is to pretent you are Komissar and his family; no trouble will arise. Then you and prisoners take train to nearest big city, which is Nezh-Nengorod. There awaits flower-sellers and heroin. Heroin may be fake. Journey, at most, is 76 days.

How you get to major airport is none my concern. I am doktor, not taxi man! Why you want to leave anyways?

This is Dr. Viktor saying, good night and always welcome to Russia!

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