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Checklist of the Parasites of Fishes of Latvia

Not really about Latvian fishes

Name: Rosemary Gogegge

Age: 27

Education: B.A. Business Administration, Very South Florida University

Elevator pitch: “I am white but not too white; I like to read drug store trade magazines in my spare time; I dumped my boyfriend for an internship at the JCPenney catalog; my supervisor said I have a good dose of corporate blood-lust; wars will be fought over my body.”

Decision: impressive.

Name: Marc Antonio Perón

Age: 25

Education: B.S., Business Communications, Meyer Ave. Industriplex College of Success

Elevator pitch: “I am a Latino, no?; I like to comb my hair; friendly taxi driver say I am sweet; I sing songs of love; night times I stare out window and dream of Rio Cujarecas waterfowl.”

Decision: plan Z hire.

Name: Gwynyth Smyth

Age: 30

Elevator pitch: “Oh my goodness I am not good at this; I have been told to gain weight; I think much older than I am; my cats make me a good people person; I am unusually susceptible to cults.”

Decision: string her along.

Name: DeMaurcus Moore

Age: 23

Education: 1 year of Robbins Technical College

Elevator pitch: “I got the skills but I just need to incorporate them into my repertoire, nome sane?”

Decision: best urban youth we’ve seen in four years. Will call if Ms. Gogegge turns down offer.

Name: Rodéric Dupuis Desjardins

Age: 28

Education: C.dv3., Potpourri, École Magnifique, Montréal

Elevator pitch: “Let me stack water-cans and, how you say, paracetamol cartons, and I will be the happiest employee. I drink wine for lunch, gives me energy, this okay for you? Do you read Dominique Cherrou?”

Decision: tell him we can’t process his visa.

Name: Bob Stobble

Age: 54

Education: B.A., Business and Anti-Communism, University of Phoenix, Non-internet

Elevator pitch: “I have a wife and three grown kids; I am flexible for example I just switched from tighty-whiteys to boxers after 51 years; I have voted Republican every year since 1968; I just started learning Spanish since they seem to all be here now; my love for beef and microwave dishes does create a flatulence problem for me, but I’m sure my hard work will more than make up for it.”

Decision: ewww.


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