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Checklist of the Parasites of Fishes of Latvia

Not really about Latvian fishes

A paradise of diplomatic intrigue

Seems that the tiny South Pacific republic of Vanuatu is doing some heavy diplomacy. Trading this and that for diplomatic recognition. Whoring itself for any payouts. Yes, Vanuatu is in great demand these days, a valuable ally for those ethnic enclaves who long to be part of the community of nations. Here is a short list of those regions who are trying their best to court Vanuatu’s favor:

*Islamafrenzia: this hotbed of hot-headed Muslim youth is trying to break away from the Arabian state of Oman. They believe that their brand of Islam is the purest and angriest, and cannot tolerate being under the yoke of such a pussy sultanate. They have sent gifts of RPGs, golden hookahs, and nubile 12-year-old girls to Vanuatu in hopes that they will be recognized as the Islamic Republic of Islamafrenzia. So far Vanuatu has not made a decision.

*Khakh-Khakhistan: a lonely central Asian region of Turkmenistan, its 450 residents long to be recognized as an independent kingdom. They have already set up a monarchic family under Genghis, a long-haired mountain goat. The goat’s mate, Tabitha, is currently receiving rectal messages in the hope that she bores a male kid. Once the dynasty is solidified, the Khakhs hope to compete with Turkmenistan, Tajikistan, and Uzbekistan in terms of regional superiority. The chief export of Khakh-Khakhistan is cigarette butts, the best of which were cleaned, sorted, and mailed to Vanuatu as a sign of good will.

*South Carolina: unhappy with the United States’ gradual moves towards socialism, it has officially formed a friendship society with Vanuatu. South Carolinians have been visiting the islands making business contacts and selling batches of okra, which is a rare delicacy in the South Pacific. South Carolina may yet be a hard sell for Vanuatu, whose polytheistic residents worship strange idols and strut around half-naked. South Carolina has made promises that it will tolerate the nudity and idol-worship, and even the moral depravity, of the Vanuatuans in exchange for future recognition of the Evangelical Christian Kingdom of South Carolina.

*Inner Mongolia: while usually deferential to their Han Communist overlords, Chinese Mongols have been stepping up contacts with Vanuatu. Communist Party leaders have been aware of this, and predictably had rounded up several leaders of the so-called “Inner Mongolian-Vanuatuan Trade Delegation” and put them under house arrest. Nevertheless, a shipment of fine Mongol horsemeat made it out of the province and into the stomachs of satisfied Vanuatu officials. Vanuatu made a formal protest of the house arrests, to which Beijing simply replied, “Fuck you, tiny islands.”

*Quebec: after the Quebec assembly made a concerted push to curry Vanuatu’s favor in an ongoing effort to break free of Canadian despotism, the Vanuatu foreign minister remarked, “The Quebeckers – what the hell do you call them? – don’t interest us. If I had a rupee for every tinpot nationalist region that tried to get our attention, I’d be a millionaire. Which I am, by the way. Though a million rupees is not that much. Anyway, what does Quebec have that interests us? Some ice hockey gear? Run-of-the-mill lager beer? Where is that contract from Islamafrenzia. Let me sign it.”

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