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Checklist of the Parasites of Fishes of Latvia

Not really about Latvian fishes

Dont mess now

To the Gubmint of the United States:

We God-fearing people of Texas feel that four more year’s of an Obama presedincy would ruin this great county somethin awful. With Bible in one hand and flag in nother we stand firm in our desire to seceed from these United States and form our own competin country.

After the elecshon of 2012 we have sadly found that Amercia has got away from it’s goals of freedom and librety. The Obama presedincy had done shown us enough. He does not stand fer the averge American. He is a closest Socialist and wants to make every Americna on welfare and making forrin babies. We Texans do not stand bythis disgracisticity. We Texas got rifles and we aint afraid to use them, if you know what we mean.

Instead of armed rebellion, we Texans choos to peacefuly seceed from the U.S.A. by signing this here petishion. I urge all good Texans to join us in this God-given right to seceed from a tirranicle gubmint, and fer the U.S. to let us go our seprit way’s.

Yours truly,

Martha MacAllister and Chuck Boone Perkins,

Lead petishioners,

Gutfly, Texas, USA?

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I am good host

Hello Americans, is Dr. Viktor* with a great pleasure in introducing you to the sights and sounds of Russia for Fall 2012!

*Dr. Viktor (Shevechenko) is senior propagandist at Russian Tourism Koncern (RTK), affiliated with the Foreign Misery Ministry.

If in mood for fun on beach, then why not journey to shores of Black Sea? For hundreds of years, comely Russian maidens and cherubik housewifes have settled on the Black Sea sandy beaches. Sun is especially healthful in Crimea and Sochi.

If in mood for sing and dance, then why not take Ukraine New Highroad to Tsvartkelo*, where the locals drink Fushpak pinecone ale and dance to Estrad popteknik!

*Tsvartkelo have new and old areas. New Tsvartkelo is 99% radium-free and cancer almost nonexistent. Please stay away from Old Tsvartkelo unless you are Armenian tourist.

If in mood to see Great Russian Bear legislate, then head to capital Moscow to see Duma and Russian politik. Russian Politicians may say strange things like American satellite controlling Belarusian brains, but pay no attention! They are happy to buy you a drink and discuss American and Jewish conspiracies all the night.

If in mood for «hanky-panky» then gentlemen are always welcome at Moscow Gentlemans Klub, 21 Yarovich Prospekt. Dr. Viktor recommends, especially Yana (one in chains)!

Moscow these days can be expensive. If you no like 5-star hotel, then may I recomment the Stupevich Edifice. Is clean and quiet and mobsters stay away from foreign guests, I think.

If thinking about hike to Ural Mounts then hire my friend Kaspar*, he drive big wheel car and take you for fun in mountains! Drive from Moscow is 80 days. Gas and tolls much extra. But he great singing voice, will regail you I promise.

*Kaspar will be 45-years-old man who looks 65; he has brown hair and speaks with Upak accent.

How about make “jump” to Asia? Russia is 60% Asia, yes? Many cities there just waiting for tourist valuables. I reccoment the city of Nikharkov, a small city you might not see on map, but I promise is full of the fun. You can sleep on goat, take ride on Icebat! At evening you may relax and drink vodka from mastodon skull.

For the truly adventur, go all the way to Pacific Ocean, where Vladivostok (Russia’s Sanfransisco) awaits you! Eh, is not like in olden days, but still have streets and roofs. Vladiks will tell you that life is better there than in 1998! Boats stolen by North Korean fishermen, but no matter. We swim to look at whales*. What? There is whales near Vladivostok? Yes!

*Whales may just be fish; depends on day

As leading tourist minister I don’t advice you return to Moscow by car. Too many bad men, and you are most lucky to arrive in Vladivostok anyway. I suggest you take train, but first you must walk to Belchingorsk village, 500km north of Vladi. There you may wait at train station for 3 days, maybe 4. Don’t worry, babushka there has some snacks, maybe toilet. After 5 days a train come to take you to village of Krimpoft, where prisoners await their release. Best advise is to pretent you are Komissar and his family; no trouble will arise. Then you and prisoners take train to nearest big city, which is Nezh-Nengorod. There awaits flower-sellers and heroin. Heroin may be fake. Journey, at most, is 76 days.

How you get to major airport is none my concern. I am doktor, not taxi man! Why you want to leave anyways?

This is Dr. Viktor saying, good night and always welcome to Russia!

Our logo is the dithering Blue Jay

DITHERING…announce to the world in what you are partaking! From Siam to the Mosquito Coast, there are acquaintences to be had!

BASIC RULE OF DITHERING. A “Dither” must be no longer than 270 words; a mere Gettysburg Address. That number should suffice. If you feel that 270 words is insufficient, then by all means compose a multitude of Dithers.

YOU MUST SHOW ALL DITHERERS REPECT AND BONHOMIE. Assuming they are white property-holders, that is. If an errant woman finds her way onto Dither, then kindly focus her attention onto other, more feminine pursuits.

DITHERS WILL BE REMOVED FROM THE WOOD-BOARD EVERY SECOND DAY. All Dithers and Re-dithers will be affected.

YOU MUST SIGN-ON WHENEVER YOU POST. Not everybody can sign with an “X”. If you are illiterate, you may ask someone else to compose a dither in your place.

SAMPLE DITHERS from Ness Creek, Nebr. ditherboard to arouse your interest:

@SheriffSamMacGuffin: To residents of Ness Creek, please do not leave horse-piles at the entrance to Ned’s Apothecary. There be valuable medicaments within, and horse-piles tend to contaminate the vials. If yer horse needs to defacate, then use the gutter next to Coleman’s General Store.

@ChiefThunderFeather: In the name of the Sky-Spirit, respect my claim in Henderson’s Gorge. It was willed by me by the U.S. Government in 1859, the deed signed by Governor Bullard Talcolmblatt of Nebraska Territory himself. If I see another White Man prospecting in my Gorge, I will send an arrow into his penis.

@SheriffSamMacGuffin: If anybody knows the identity of the horse-rapist bring it to my attention. The horse-rapist has been spooking various other beasts of burden as well.

@KnickerbockerWHPennywhipple: Dear Sirs, if you intend to impune my honor then I shall be waiting in the Main Thoroughfare at 7 sharp in the A.M., accompanied by my pistol and manservant.

@SheriffSamMacGuffin: There will be a Whisky and Poker Social held at Larson’s Tavern this Tuesday evening, to welcome our new residents, Kraut homesteaders headed by Mr. Adolf Horscht.

@X: I don’t like seeing no niggers, chinks, wops, and hebrews round here

@PastorMichaelMallory: Blessed be the prospectors. For salvation, visit my Church on East Dirt Street.

@LarsonsTavern: Fer the best Whores and Whisky and Poker, visit Larson’s Tavern. E.G. Larson, Proprietor.

@TheTownDrunk: Done pissed myself agin. Anyone know a pants-merchant here or in Bellows Ridge? Aint got no spare trousers. I wont do no business with no Chinaman either.

@X: I fucked Sheriff MacGuffin’s pig, real good like, and got a hankerin’ to do it again.

@LadyChatterley: Hello boys, I got the feminine touch you crave. Lice-free since 1878. I take two baths a month. No lesions or unwelcome odors. Will satisfy any fantasy you have, except ones involving mules. No Chinamen please.

@TheOldGeneral: Been having night terrors again. Did the South lose the War? I don’t even know anymore. Can’t sleep worth a damn. Been trying to extract a rosin ball from my rectum. It got there by accident.

@SheriffSamMacGuffin: Someone has been stealing ladies’ undergarments from the General Store. Now, we don’t have many women in this town, but the few who reside here need fresh undergarments from time to time. The General Store is now out of undergarments, and we won’t get a shipment for 3 months. So will the crook(s) return the undergarments, after scrubbing off any personal material. I pledge that I will not prosecute the undergarment-thieves at this time.

@KwokTheChinaman: Anybody need ride to Jerricho Springs? My carriage real nice and clean. Friendly and safe drivers. We are all certified safe coachmen. We not look at you either, especially white ladies. You may spit on us if you please, just pay us fairly.

@Huxley_Exslave: Im no dermint loaffer Im good wukker yessir been fum Alabam yessir can drive piles lift impements fish driftwood cure sciatica Im easy to find just holler Huxley I be Huxley

@XTheSouthLivesOnX: Hello y’all I done moved into Ness Creek or whatnot  looking for an escaped negro named Hussey or Huxby. I don’t care about the Emancipation whatnot never heard of it. I catch negros; it’s my job or whatnot. Hussey will come up to you and says he can lift impediments this is a LIE. If this occurs holler for Fungo Huckabee. Huckabee, the Name You Trust in Negrocatchin’.

@SherriffSamMacGuffin: This so-called ‘Negrocatcher’ in town, goes by the name Huckabee, fancies himself a lawman. Well, I hate to break it to him, but there is only one Lawman in Ness Creek, and his name is MACGUFFIN. If there are any loose slaves, or single ladies, or Buddhists that need catchin’, MacGuffin is the one to call on. Please re-dither this if you care about the LAW.

Here at Dithering we are tasked with CHANGING THE WORLD. Powered by Andemann’s Internal Combustion Engines of York Grove, Iowa.

When love dares speak its name

In polite company, it is often best to use a euphemism for sexual encounters. One never knows when he or she may be forced to discuss matters sexual, so having a few handy innuendos at the tongue’s tip will go a long way towards making one a breezy non-confrontationalist.

Want to describe the act of Love? Why not try —

*Trying to reproduce

*Hiding the sausage, repeatedly and in earnest

*Taking the VD train

*Being a gracious host

*Doing what the Chinese seem so fond of doing

*Inviting the world’s third-oldest root cause of mental illness

*Being temporarily promoted to Secretary of the Interior

*Tunneling to safety

*Heeding nature’s call, but not THAT call

*Cashing in the lottery ticket

*Doing it for Prussia

*Getting there before the black guy does

*Doing yeoman’s work

*Sowing the seeds of regret

*Inheriting the Throne of Wessex

*Laughing in the face of Death

*Performing a bedroom manuever

*Being rather boisterous

*Eliciting the mighty Algorathne, satyr of coitus, and offering a slaughter at the Temple of Knisses

*Putting Dick Vitale in the booth

*Writing an op-ed for the New York Times about your experience at Goldman Sachs

BAKHALUA KHAKAA! I am Fuaz el-Amin, supreme righteous judge for the 2011 Islamabeard Contestation. I am no ikith, I am genuine! You can ask my many friends. Here I have five men with beards whose every follicle praises Allah most highly! Inshallah, one of them will be the victor!

Mahmoud al-Din, Cairo, Egypt: this pious whisker flows like a bunch of black prophet most woolly and pure. He will not be at a disadvantage! Many virgins await him in heaven to stroke his fine manbush. I like him, do not you?

Aziz al-Wahwari, Damascus, Syria: I no joke, his hair is like finest velvet! I stroked myself. He does not use dyes or curliers. It is 100% natural Muslim barbe. Full coverage, even at spot where mustache meets lip-side. Is not need cleaning, cleans itself! Do you agree mister?

Daud Fahwaz al-Islam, Herat, Afghanistan:  protects his face from sand-storms and U.S.A. drones. Beard is famous in five provinces and two tribal areas! Little girls scream at mention of his folliculars. Likes to soak in mint tea. Free of louse since 2008-9. Are you not impressed?

Akbar Shishmanoush, Qom, Iran: Jews and Hindus go scurrying at sight of this manliness. Is on currency of Oman, Bahrain, and Qatar. Swedish artist got stabbed when this qafqal dared illustrate his Allahairs. Best beard since Suleiman, says Persian lifestyle magazine! Daren’t you demur?

Gibril Ali-Ali, Tashkent, Uzbekistan: ever heard of man who tames steppe wind? Ever heard of man who humbles beasts with own fur and shames them like Muhummad in goat parable? What, you not believe? Ahahahahaaaa, take a look and see! I 100% guarantee awe. Erect menhoods go limp at scenic. Must you hate always?

Note to reader! Voting will halt at midnight December 31 of infidel calendar. Voting will not be counted. Decision will make by Imam Harouf al-Makbah, the most respected top cleric.  

رفض عدد من المتظاهرين تورم في شوااnude strumpet استقالته من مجلس الوزراء المصري يوم الاثنين وقالت انها ستكون راضية إلا إذا القادة العسكريين في البلاد توافق على التنازل عنWNBA السلطة بحلول الصيف الم
مع مسيرة أخرى الكبرى المقرر عقده يومCrotchView الثلاثاء، كان واضحا ان الاشتباكات العنيفة التي بدأت في مطلع الاسبوع والتي تشكل أخطر تحد لاجراء عسكريvagina monologues على السلطة منذ أن سيطرت على البلاد في فبراير شباط.
كما pantysnifferالعرض استقالة من الحكومة المدعومة من الجيش ليلة امسDes Moines الاثنين، احتشد المصريين في ميدان التحرير يهتفون شعارات ضد المجلسScarlett Johansson العسكري. اشتبكت شرطة مكافحة الشغب لليوم الثالث على التوالي محتجين من رماة الحجارة مع الغاز المسيل للدموع والرصاص المغلف بالمطاط.
كانت هناك تقارير إعلامية متضاربة حول ما إذا كان الجنرالات قد قبلت الاستقالة ، وقال متحدث باسم الجيشbroomstick in buttanus اتصلت به هاتفيا وقال انه لا يمكنه القول ما اذا كان الجنرالات قد قبلت ذلك.
وبدا الزعماء السياسيين من مختلف الانتماءات الأيديولوجية لتلتحم الاثنين semenjunkieحول لائحة من المطالب.Texas cheergirls كان المفتاح بين لهم ان القادة العسكريين التنازل عن السلطة للمسؤولين المنتخبين قبل الصيف، بدلا من التمسك الإطار الانتقال الوقت Amanda Knoxالحالي، والتي يمكن أن تترك لهم في السيطرة لمدة تصل الى عامينHerman Cain آخرينTHE PENIS DOMINATES.
Post filed under SEXXX

Good Sirs, I promise whiskey for all!

By J. Dwyer McGillicuddy, popular affairs & common pursuits reporter

Last night this reporter witnessed Democracy in action. Seven fellows of the Reflex Party vied for the ears and minds of the populace. They were asked a series of questions and given the task of answering them.

This reportage is a compendium of highlights and lowlights from last night’s events at Harken’s Barn on the outskirts of Pickaninny Pond.

On the question of Southern perfidy and the nullification crisis:

Mr. Lazarus Artemus Scipio Cain: “I am a Negro, yes, but what dem southerners wanna do I ain’t stoppin’ them no sir. I juss do the gov’mint’s business, heyap.”

Mr. Bartholomew H. Gingrich: “I am a man of History, and as I nightly involve myself with the exploits of our Founding Fathers, I garner a greater and greater appreciation of their wisdom and see that wisdom among our brothers in South Carolina. I do smile upon their great crusade, God be with you, dear countrymen.”

Mr. Brigham W. Romney: “As long as the government leaves Utah Territory alone, I’m as happy as a kitten in molasses.”

Mr. Fire-and-Brimstone Paul: “Why do we have a constarnakin’ President and his rotund potentates flaccifinadin’ in his ear-hole, dagnabbit, I’d have drug his weasel ass into the River.”

Mr. Samuel Shenandoah “Chinese” Huntsman: “I repeat the comment of the esteemed Mr. Romney.”

Mr. Aw-Shucks Perry: “Hoohaw, dem Dixie-butts done got thermselves in a right keddoofle, but they juss some good ol boys doin’ right by me.”

On the question of Chinese rail-workers and their immoral influence on the Western districts:

Mr. L.A.S. Cain: “The whoosits now? I ain’t never seen no Chinaman. Heyap.”

Mr. B.H. Gingrich: “As I draw from a wealth of knowledge aquired by many a night by the fire, I agree with those who think the Chinaman is an inferior and rather repulsive Race. Though their presence shames me considerably, I do realize their value in building our Great White Ironlines across our blessed Continent.”

Mr. B.W. Romney: “I have first-hand knowledge of these Races from my home Territory of Utah. They are indeed a scourge but as long as they are confined to their quarters and kept occupied, and sent back to Foo-Chow upon completion, I am satisfied.”

Mr. F. Paul: “You know these ching-chong varmints got these collective minds? They even shit together. I want nothin’ to do with these Orientals and their rice-sticks.”

Mr. S.S. “Chinese” Huntsman: “I spent some time in Farthest Cathay. They are indeed a queer and quizzical Species. They eat with sticks and drink leaf-water. I think their babies are born out of hillsides. They certainly need Christian guidance. Mormon guidance.”

Mr. A. Perry: “Now this Huntsman feller is scarin’ me. Mormons? Why in a dog’s anus are we carin’ about them Orientals when Mormons are crawling all over our dear Middle-West? If I were President, I’d send the Cavalry out to take care of ’em. And those Orientals too. Never cared much for those slipper-wearing catnabbers.”

On the question of photographic contraptions and other inventive mechanisms that seem to be profligating.

Mr. L.A.S. Cain: “I done seen that one thing, whatsit now…it ain’t comin’ to me. But I done saw one of those iron chariots that bellow out dat smoke, heyap, it was all up in dat shack. Dang near spooked the pigs. Heyap.”

Mr. B.H. Gingrich: “As a man of history, I do not believe that books will ever be replaced by mechanisms nor powered by something other than a gentleman’s wrist and forefinger. I do welcome the sciences, however, provided that they do not interfere with our Republic and its hallowed institutions.”

Mr. B.W. Romney: “If one ironsided-horse or lightning-powered steamboat can get Mormons that much faster to the Promised Land, then I as President am not wont to interfere with such a creation.”

Mr. F. Paul: “Gales and filarney! I knew them Sciencers were up to somethin’ when I saw them flusherin’ that indoor commode, their consarned ‘toy-let’ which sounds dagnam French to me. I ain’t seen no hole that wan’t worth my fecal issue.”

Mr. S.S. “Chinese” Huntsman: “I agree with the esteemed gentleman from Massachusetts.”

Mr. A. Perry: “Aw shucks, I once took a looksee to one of them, howsits, puffer-stacks that look like Osage horse-cocks but it didn’t move me no way. Once they find a way to refriggerate my hooch then they can call me.”

What book or tome do you consult when guidance is your desire.

Mr. L.A.S. Cain: “Hell I ain’t read no book but I like them splotches on pine trees.”

Mr. B.H. Gingrich: “I do enjoy the ruminations of Seneca and Cicero. When in a festive or hysterical mood I consult the base woodcuttings of certain European artists bearing nude images of the female form. I then whip my genitals until bloodied.”

Mr. B.W. Romney: “All wisdom and certainty begins and ends with the Book of Mormon, no matter what the esteemed Mr. Perry says. Just before retiring I like to imagine myself in the bosom of Brigham Young while he strokes my hair.”

Mr. F. Paul: “Heesh, lemme think now, I do like that Adam Smith a great deal. Them Scotchmen are enterprissin’ folk. When I’m lumberin’ I like to take off my britches and read a few chapters of Captain Stevens and his Negro Attendant.”

Mr. S.S. “Chinese” Huntsman: “I also like the Book of Mormon and, on certain nights, a golden book appears which gives me advice on male orgasm.”

Mr. A. Perry: “Woohaw I do have intercourse with my Bible, word of God and all. Also like me some ghost stories and pictures of Conquistadors. “